I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
