T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thank you for not boning my boss.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
