dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
