So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
