just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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