Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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