I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
