That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
