Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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