at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
