I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize