Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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