theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
is it fun? or sober?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
