Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Randomize
