dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
