don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
