The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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