my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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