When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
