The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we're making bets on your personal life
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
