Jerry, you need to find god
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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