i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
