you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
