It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize