Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
