So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
