I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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