I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
