1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
