Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
