Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
