If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize