I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
