i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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