yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
