I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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