...so i touched it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
