walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
