Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
