just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
