im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
