dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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