allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Someone shit on the floor
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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