So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
