I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm both gender and math confused
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
