He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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