Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
