Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm always down for nudity.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
