Porn is love you can see.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
