Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
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It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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