neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
