At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize