The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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