she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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