why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
