i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
