I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize