Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
