I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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