Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
A bitchslap is in order.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
