Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
well, you know. whores of a feather.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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