Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just tell him i said nine months
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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