i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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