The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
