I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
