so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
