His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
