If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
3pm strippers are depressing
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
