why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
