Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
